How do I deal with Jealousy in a Relationship?
Have you ever wondered if your partner is lying to you about his destination? Maybe Facebook sneaked into your ex-husband? Or ruined a perfectly good evening by accusing your partner of something you're sure he didn't even do?
If so, welcome to the jealousy club😊.
The bottom line is that there is nothing fun about jealousy. It destroys relationships, makes you feel crazy, and generates a painful onion of doubt that lives within your heart.
But trying to overcome jealousy can sometimes feel like you're trying to control the tidal wave. You don't mean to break the dam, but you can't prevent jealous water from flowing.
No one wants to be jealous. Jealousy can destroy a great relationship. It feeds mistrust, harms self-esteem, and is rarely useful. However, many of us are unable to prevent this from confusing our thoughts, actions, and words.
So, what is jealousy? what can we do about it? How can you overcome jealousy? What are the signs and symptoms of jealousy? and How do I deal with jealousy?
What's Jealousy and What Is Trying to Tell You?
Jealousy includes fear with disturbing thoughts of a potential loss. In general, jealousy is an emotional reaction stimulated by the actual or expected interest of someone else by someone we care about. When a third party threatens the association in partnership, we may feel insecure, rejected, anxious, angry, or self-doubted among a host of other unwanted feelings.
The passion for jealousy stems from shame. It tells us that there is an obstacle to communication between us and our loved ones, and alerts us to a threat to this relationship. The potential separation we experience in jealousy often involves a social comparison. When you're jealous, you might assume that someone else is receiving the attention or adoration you want for yourself. Somehow, the other person seems more desirable.
This is the tragedy of shame and pride where pride decline dominates. As a result, you can use one or more of the typical acclimatization and defense responses to shame jealousy, which can include withdrawal, avoidance, attacking yourself, or attacking the other.
Responding to jealousy that attacks others can lead to aggressive and abusive behavior. You may want to hurt a person who is a jealous competitor and act in ways that will control the person you fear will lose their bond. These approach tendencies may appear in behaviors aimed at dismantling threatened communication or re-establishing the underlying relationship.
Becoming an avoider when you are jealous, for example, may lead you to use alcohol or drugs to relieve your feelings. By withdrawing, you may hope that the person you have a relationship with will notice and re-establish your bond. Attacking one can lead to all kinds of self-harming behaviors. Although jealousy's defensive responses represent attempts to protect self-esteem and maintain bonds that are seen as broken, they can lead to depression or loneliness.
Many situations where jealousy is aroused may not have to do with someone else's qualities or the partner's interest in someone else. Alternatively, they may have a greater relationship to the self-perception of an individual who is amplified by the partner's behavior around a third party. Since jealousy involves a comparison, a person who suffers from feelings is left believing that he or she does not measure.
Emotions have evolved to reach us. The jealousy experience provides a rare opportunity to learn. We can ask ourselves some questions, rather than being hampered by our response to feelings. For example, do you realize you lack some qualities that you want to develop yourself? Are you jealous because you want something more from your relationship than a relationship can provide? How do you see yourself and what you do in your life compared to others?
Jealousy allows us to look inside, think about what we want for ourselves, think about how we want others to treat us, and think about what we're going to do about information.
What are the different types of jealousy?
While there are many forms of jealousy, there is two main categories: natural and unnatural jealousy. The six main species, described by Dr. González Perius, are:
- Rational Jealousy: When there is real and reasonable doubt, especially when you love a partner and are afraid to lose it, logical jealousy can occur.
- Family Jealousy: This usually happens among family members, such as siblings. When a new baby is born, the brother may be jealous because the attention of parents is passed on to the newborn, for example.
- Pathological Jealousy: This kind of jealousy is irrational. Unhealthy feelings may result from an underlying mental health disorder such as anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or schizophrenia. Signs of pathological jealousy can include extreme insecurity, as well as a desire for control and manipulation.
- Sexual Jealousy: When there is a fear that the partner was unfaithful and engaged in physical betrayal, you may feel suspicious.
- Romantic Jealousy: It can result from a real or imagined threat to a romantic relationship, leading to jealous thoughts or reactions.
- Power Jealousy: This kind of jealousy stems from personal insecurity. You may be jealous of someone who has what you want. When a co-worker receives an upgrade or rewards you would like to receive, for example, you may be jealous.
Studies of romantic gender relationships have found that men tend to be jealous of third-party dominance and are more concerned about sexual infidelity, while women tend to be jealous of third-party attractiveness and more concerned about emotional infidelity.
How to Overcome Jealousy in a Relationship?
Here are 8 tips for overcoming jealousy in your relationship.
1. Count to Ten
There's nothing fun about catching your partner sending an eccentric text to someone else or listening to him crush some hot celebrity, but are these things really worth disturbing?
Whenever jealousy begins to feel angry, close your eyes and take a deep breath and count to ten. Ten seconds later, ask yourself if what you're upset about is really worth ruining your day again.
If it has to be put up, do it quietly. Instead of yelling at or underestimating your partner, simply say, "I feel a little upset when you do ___."
2. Trust Your Instincts
The above advice is designed for people who deal with unnecessary jealousy, not for those who have legitimate reasons to doubt their wives (such as partners who flirt with others in public, have secret friendships, or lie to you).
How do you know if your partner is loyal? The bottom line is: Trust your instincts.
You probably know if you're overreacting to something silly, but if your gut tells you there's something to feel in your relationship, you're probably right!
Talk to your partner about how you feel calmly and respectfully, and learn what your relationship eats.
3. Work on Building Trust
Trust is an essential aspect of a healthy, happy, and satisfying relationship. Overcoming jealousy requires a healthy level of confidence.
Build trust as a couple when:
- Don't lie to each other.
- They're responsible for your actions.
- Give the benefit of the doubt.
- Express your feelings.
- Don't do anything your wife doesn't want to do.
- Show you're trustworthy.
By doing these things, you and your husband will build a healthy trust that will make you feel safe and loving in your relationship.
Just remember that no one is perfect, and there will be times when you and your husband inadvertently hurt each other - so neither of you will hurt by letting some things slip every now and then.
4. Boost Self-Love
Jealousy often stems from problems of self-esteem. You may not feel worthy of having an unconditional emotion from someone or someone may have betrayed your trust in the past and made you feel uncomfortable giving up your heart.
Whatever the case, a healthy relationship stems from healthy levels of self-love. Promoting self-love also helps overcome jealousy. You can practice promoting the love and respect you enjoy for yourself by spending time alone, learning to value your company, treating your body well, and working on self-expansion.
5. Communicate Your Feelings
What you and your partner consider appropriate relationship behavior may be quite different, which is why it's important to express your feelings openly.
6. Consider consulting
Jealousy often stems from something that has happened to you in the past. You may have had a painful childhood or you trust someone emotionally, verbally, or physically. Whatever the condition, treatment can help: what is marital counseling and how relationships help
Talking to a professional in person, via Zoom/Skype, or in the chat room can help you get to the roots of jealousy.
The therapist can also give you coping mechanisms to deal with future anger or jealousy - or it may confirm your feelings and tell you that you may have a legitimate reason to be jealous.
If your partner has done something that makes you suspect his motives, and may not have been sincere in the past, it may be useful to review some couples' counseling or an online marriage course.
7. Adjust your relationship expectations
One tip to overcome jealousy is to adjust your expectations for your relationship. Find out here some unrealistic expectations that people often have about relationships.
Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you've lost your ability to find someone else attractive. Noticing someone outside your current romantic relationship doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your relationship or you're not committed to your partner.
As long as your partner doesn't act on his or her attraction to someone else, you don't have to worry.
Note that adjusting your expectations does not mean lowering your standards. You don't have to be with someone who makes you feel upset about yourself.
8. Express jealousy in a healthy way
It's important to remember that when jealousy is expressed immediately, jealousy shouldn't be a bad thing!
Jealousy can actually help couples:
- Show more appreciation for each other/don't take each other for granted.
- Increase love and passion.
- Promoting self-development.
- Work hard to make each other happy.
- Act as a messenger when things don't look good.
But once again, the way you express jealousy will be the determining factor in how much you help your life. If you criticize strongly and yell at your partner, the odds are that this will not improve your relationship. But if you express your concerns with respect, you and your partner can use jealousy as an opportunity to learn and grow as a couple.
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